Seating, etiquette and the host’s job

A seating plan is the host’s real menu. Food can be delegated; the arrangement of fourteen people cannot, and it decides whether the evening has a conversation or four parallel ones. The traditional rules exist because they work: alternate the familiar with the unfamiliar, separate couples, put a confident talker at each end of a long table, and give the seat with the view to a guest rather than to yourself.

What a host does during dinner

Very little, visibly. The host arrives at the table first, starts each course, keeps an eye on the two quietest guests, and makes sure the service team can find them for a decision. If you hired a chef, the kitchen is not your room any more, which is difficult for the kind of person who hires chefs. A host who is in the kitchen at half past nine is a host their guests did not come to see.

The small courtesies

Tell guests what the dinner is: the seating time, the length, the dress, whether there is a speech. Warn them of anything unusual on the menu before they sit, not on the plate. Serve water before wine and keep it filled. Thank the crew in front of the guests at the end, which costs nothing and is remembered by everyone in the room, including the crew.

Ending it

An evening ends best when the host ends it: coffee and something sweet in another room, the lights raised one notch, and a clear moment where staying is a choice rather than an obligation. Guests are relieved to be given the signal, and the people who want the last hour will take it anyway, which is how the best part of a dinner usually happens.